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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27114799">The story of a moment</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/journalofimprobablethings/pseuds/journalofimprobablethings'>journalofimprobablethings</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Adventure Zone (Podcast)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Drabble Collection, Emotional Hurt, Episode: e058-059 Lunar Interlude V: Reunion Tour Parts 1-2, Episode: e060-066 The Stolen Century Parts 1-7, Ficlet Collection, Found Family, Gen, Grief/Mourning, IPRE Crew | Starblaster Crew as Family, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Rating May Change, Raven's Roost (The Adventure Zone), Warnings May Change, cause TAZ, character death is all referencing things that happen in canon, will there be happy things in here eventually? we can only hope</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 17:23:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,275</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27114799</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/journalofimprobablethings/pseuds/journalofimprobablethings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Balance is full of so many stories, and not all of them take years to tell. So many of them are contained in just a moment.<br/>(collection of unconnected TAZ snippets of various moments, slices of time, etc. A lot will be angst because apparently that's what I write. Tags will be updated as needed!)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Julia Burnsides/Magnus Burnsides, Magnus Burnsides &amp; The Director | Lucretia, The Director | Lucretia &amp; Everyone, The Director | Lucretia &amp; Merle Highchurch, The Director | Lucretia &amp; Taako</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. almost home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A potential answer to the question "How did Magnus get Julia's ring back?"</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You ever think about the fact that Magnus never gets to say goodbye?</p><p>It’s ten days’ ride from Raven’s Roost to Neverwinter, and ten days’ ride back again. Two days after Magnus leaves, Kalen returns to Raven’s Roost, and Magnus continues on his way, unawares. He makes his whole journey not knowing that his world has crumbled, not knowing that as he travels he is missing not just the event, but the aftermath--the rescues, and the memorials, the goodbyes as residents flee the city they thought they had saved.</p><p>Magnus loses everything, and for over two weeks he has no idea.</p><p>Now imagine him arriving at a tavern a few miles from Raven's Roost, with his prize-winning chair, and the new title of Master Carpenter, and he is so excited to be almost home and to share his success with Steven and Julia</p><p>And he stops at the tavern to have a drink or to water his horses before makes the final leg of the journey home. It's a place he stops at every time he travels--you know those Almost Home places you have if you take a lot of long trips? And he walks in the door and goes up to the bar, and the barkeep looks at him like she's seen a ghost.</p><p>
  <em>Magnus!</em>
</p><p>And before he can say anything she's out from behind the bar and hugging him, and saying that they didn't know if he had left before it happened, and no one knew where he was, and gods they thought he was dead too, and it's so good to see him</p><p>And Magnus asks her what's wrong, what happened, but even as he asks he's getting this sinking feeling in his stomach, thinking about Kalen; they defeated him, they thought they were safe, but somehow he knows, he <em>knows</em></p><p>And she looks at him with horror as she realizes that he hasn't heard yet, he doesn't know what happened, she's going to be the one who has to tell him—</p><p><em>It's gone,</em> she says. <em>Kalen came back. The whole corridor is gone.</em></p><p>And Magnus's world comes crashing down.</p><p>He knows she's explaining more, telling him what happened, but her words just wash over him, until he hears the word <em>survivors,</em> and he latches on to it and asks</p><p>
  <em>Were they—? Did they—?</em>
</p><p>And once again he knows the answer before she says anything, just from the way she looks at him.</p><p>
  <em>I'm so sorry, Magnus.</em>
</p><p>He stumbles out the door and grabs a horse and takes off down the road because he has to see it, he has to see it for himself, and she follows him because she knows he shouldn't be alone</p><p>And after he's seen it, the ruins of his home in the distance, destroyed long enough ago that they are no longer even smoking</p><p>And after he's fallen to his knees there in the road in front of the makeshift memorial the survivors have put up, after she's found him and held him as he screams</p><p>She brings him to where the few residents who haven’t left yet have set up their temporary homes, and there are reunions and tears of relief and tears of sorrow</p><p>And a friend finds him at some point that night, a neighbor maybe, who was there during the rescues and the searches and the memorials</p><p>And the friend sits down next to Magnus as he's staring at the fire and says</p><p><em>I have something for you</em>.</p><p>And he takes Magnus’s hand and places something in his palm</p><p>And Magnus looks down to see Julia's ring.</p><p>And he realizes, as he closes his fingers around it, that his journey is not over, in some ways will never be over. He's going to spend the rest of his life being almost home.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Originally posted on tumblr, in slightly different form (and thanks to @ronaldreaganofficial for the prompt)<br/>I'm over there at @journalofimprobablethings, come yell about TAZ with me</p><p>Thanks for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. You should have known</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>You should have known that something was up the minute they got back from Wonderland.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Second person! Style experiments! Lucretia angst! This one has it all.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You can’t help thinking that you should have known.</p><p>It’s true that Taako is a consummate liar, and Merle can spin a tale well enough when he wants to, though he’s always better with someone next to him to help keep his story straight. But you have known these boys for over a century now. You know their tells; you know the extra layer of charm that Taako throws on, the way Merle gets excited when he’s really on a roll.</p><p>You should have known they were up to something the minute they stepped into the reception room.</p><p>But you were distracted, having just barely pulled yourself together after learning about Magnus, forcing yourself to focus on the task at hand: channel the Light from the final relic, prepare your barrier spell so that you can finally, once and for all, end this fight.</p><p>Then they walked in and you saw what Wonderland had done to them, what <em>you</em> had done to them—</p><p>And you almost broke down again right then and there.</p><p>They were here, safe, they were here, alive, but they were bruised and battered and bloody, broken in ways that horrified you even though you knew exactly what Wonderland could do:</p><p>Merle’s eye, gone, an eyepatch covering the empty socket—</p><p>Taako limping; something about the set of his legs looked wrong, you could see him hiding a wince with every step—</p><p>And Magnus.</p><p>The empty space beside them where Magnus should have been, but wasn’t. Would never be again.</p><p>You saw all this, and a voice inside you screamed,</p><p>
  <em>I did this, this is all my fault, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.</em>
</p><p>The voice was so loud inside your head, you were almost surprised they couldn’t hear it; that they didn’t see the guilt and sorrow written on your face.</p><p>So yes, when Taako scrutinized you just a little too long when they arrived, you were too focused on schooling your expression to wonder what he might be divining from your thoughts.</p><p>And when Merle launched into dramatic requests to mourn Magnus alone in your office, all you could think was<em>, of course they want to be alone to grieve for him</em>. If you had the choice, you would have locked yourself in there and not come out.</p><p>You didn’t notice the amusement hiding in Taako’s eyes as Merle spoke, because all you could see was how tired he looked, the lines of pain drawn deep in his face whenever he moved. All you could think was how much they had been through, and how much more was to come. How glad you were that they, at least, were still alive, and that in this moment you would give them anything they wanted.</p><p>You looked at them, the havoc and pain that you and the relics and Wonderland had wrought together.</p><p>And you never suspected a thing.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. to keep the demons at bay</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The Director always has music playing in her office.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Am I projecting my need to constantly have music playing onto Lucretia? Possibly. What of it?</p><p>This is v. short but I kind of like it so here you go. Originally posted on tumblr.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Director always has music playing in her office. </p><p>She won’t say what memories or demons lurk in the silence for her, but all the members of the Bureau quickly learn that she avoids it as much as she can. And as they grow to know her better (though never well; the Director keeps even the closest of her employees at arm's length), they begin to do what they can to help.</p><p>Carey and Killian bring back music from their travels, airs full of strange instruments and rhythms, anything they think might strike her fancy. She seems to enjoy the novelty of them, the sounds of far-flung places.</p><p>In his spare time, Johann begins composing small tunes for her: calming, peaceful things, so different from the emotion-filled pieces he feeds the voidfish. She accepts them with both hands and a rare smile, and soon much of the music that accompanies her work is his.</p><p>Avi crafts a clever device for her that will play any piece of music fed into it. The spell that powers it is self-sustaining, so she doesn't have to use up spell-slots to keep the music going.</p><p>The members of the Bureau don't know why the Director needs the music, but they do what they can to help, and she is grateful. </p><p>But sometimes, when she is alone, the Director activates a different spell. </p><p>She is always careful to lock her door before she does this. If anyone were to come into her office during these times, they would find her curled up in her chair, knees pulled close to her chest, feet resting on the edge of the seat--a position that feels much younger than her fifty-some years. </p><p>They would find her there, and they might wonder why the Director is sitting alone in the dark, eyes closed, tears running down her cheeks, listening to static.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>In my head, the piece she's listening to is definitely Barry and Lup's composition from Legato. But really it could be anything from the Century.</p><p>Comments and kudos make my day! Find me on tumblr at journalofimprobablethings</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. need. want. desire.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Thoughts on the Light of Creation and craveability.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This one's real short but I had fun writing it so here you go!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="">
  <p>The Light of Creation isn't sentient, exactly. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>It doesn't have...thoughts? Not in the way we would normally define them. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>What it does have are needs--wants--desires.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Need. Want. Desire.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>It wants and needs nothing more than to be wanted and needed itself. To be pursued, chased, searched for. And that need is so strong that it can shape itself around the thoughts of the beings around it, transform itself into an irresistible call.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>It lands on a planet with two suns and a purple sky, and it sends out its call: <em>want me, need me, use me, love me.</em></p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>And the people of this plane do. They find it, and they study it, and in return it teaches them things about their universe that they never could have imagined. They use it to build a ship, unlike any that they have ever built before, a ship that can take them beyond their own reality, to other worlds where the Light could be used and desired and craved.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>And then another being arrives.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Unlike the Light, it is in some way sentient--it has a consciousness, at least in some sense. </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>But like the Light, it has needs--wants--desires.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>Need. Want. Desire.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>It <em>wants. </em>It <em>needs</em>. Want and need and desire are the end and the beginning of this being, and it and the Light are drawn to each other like opposite poles of a magnet.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>When the people of the two-sunned planet fly their ship into the space between realities, the Light, bound to them by their ship's engine, follows them. And that other entity follows, too, inexorably. Time and time and time again, the ship flies to a new reality, and the Light follows, knowing that it will be searched for, and hunted, and desired.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>All the Light needs is to be needed.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p><em>take me need me want me claim me hunt me use me love me crave me, </em>it says.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>And the Hunger says,</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p><em>I will</em>.</p>
</div>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This was inspired by the incredible song "Light of Creation" by Eliza Anastasio (The Light of Creation's "take me, need me" etc. are her lyrics and belong to her.) She has a whole album of songs about the Grand Relics on SoundCloud and it is absolutely fantastic, go check it out!</p>
<p>Comments &amp; kudos always appreciated. Thanks for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. a day of rest</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The birds take a day off.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Originally posted on tumblr for TAZ November Celebration Day 17 - Rest. Another v short one, but I like it and it's Not Angst for once, hooray!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As the cycles wear on, the crew of the Starblaster can’t help feeling that their time is running out.</p><p>The Hunger feels like it is getting closer. Their escapes get narrower, and a year feels like less and less time to research and study as they try to find some way, any way, to end their infinite retreat.</p><p>But even in this time of frustration and fear and bone-deep, weary exhaustion, there are some days, here and there, where they pause. Days where, just for a moment, they stop running, stop searching and studying and problem solving, and rest.</p><p>Today is one of those days.</p><p>It’s three months into the cycle, and they’ve recovered the Light with less trouble than they have in several years. They lost no one in their search for the Light, and Merle hasn’t yet left for Parley. Their crew–their family–is still intact. </p><p>By mutual agreement, they decide that no work will be done today. Lup locks the door to the lab (because she loves Barry dearly, but she knows that if he gets an idea about the Light he <em>will</em> try to start working on it, rest day or no), and Magnus gets Lucretia to help him gather all the pillows and blankets from their rooms to pile into a soft puddle on the floor of the lounge. Merle and Davenport bring out their decks of cards, Lucretia her sketchbook, Magnus his latest duck-carving project. Taako spends the first part of the day in the kitchen before Barry pulls him out to join the rest because <em>if I can’t work you can’t either, and we can eat crap for one day, Taako</em>. </p><p>And they spend the day doing an absolutely glorious amount of <em>nothing</em>. The lounge is quickly dotted with wrappers from the junk food stash they accumulated from a recent plane. Sometimes, one of them starts up a music spell (a good-natured groan goes up when Davenport chooses to play old s<em>ea shanties</em> of all things), and sometimes the music is drowned out by Magnus telling an animated story, or Taako and Lup arguing over exactly who saved whom from some past danger, or the sound of disgusted laughter when Merle describes his newest plant interest.</p><p>They sink deeper and deeper into Magnus’s pillow pile, until they end the day asleep in a tangled mess of limbs, heads rested on shoulders and stomachs, fingers loosely linked, the only sounds their soft breath, and the beating of seven hearts, and the hum of the bond engine. </p><p>It’s not the long exhale of the beach year, or the emotional anchor of the Best Day Ever. It’s a day that is remarkable only in its complete unremarkable-ness. But there is something about this day that each one of them will tuck away somewhere safe. And when the world becomes dark and hard again (as it inevitably will), they will remember it, this moment of safety and love and release, and hold that feeling close.</p><p>For once, they are together, and whole. For once, they feel like they can breathe.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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